You’re staring at your memoir,
pen at the ready.
You would turn the page again,
but you’ve come to the end.
The words pierce like an enemy’s gaze when you look back, empty nothingness lingers ahead.
Is it scary?
Perhaps it’s a momentary respite.
You’ve come to the precipice -
your breath catches as you heft the oversized cover closed.
You feel the sturdiness, seemingly bound so secure.
Clenching it, you have lingering feelings…
dissatisfaction...betrayal…bitterness…loss -
Thoughts of regret - “I should have written it this way,
I need to go back and write that part over!”
You can’t stop thinking of the loose ends,
barely scraped together (and some left in a tangle),
when you turned that final page.
Then you slowly say, “Enough is enough.”
Deadlift the book back onto the shelf.
You are returning it to the library of the “old man”.
This book is your version of your life.
It contains all the worries, mistakes, and pain
that you obsessed over and tried to fix.
You’ve maintained control for so long,
writing, rewriting.
Thinking, waiting, doubting -
and all you accomplished was a tale of regret.
But there is a way forward -
the path to freedom is surrender.
Surrender means walking away.
Walk away, from the old library and leave the red pen at the counter,
no matter how reluctantly.
While you were mulling over each sentence,
you forgot that He’s already written your story -
it’s ordained and published.
As you start fresh, you begin to walk light,
that old story laden with rebellion and fear dissipates with the dawn.
Walk through the new doors before you,
the sparkling grandeur of God’s library envelopes your senses.
The shelves hold familiar books,
but these are the old made new.
Redemption flows strong from each fountain,
and as you pass, you can’t help but fall to your knees
in awe and worship.
As the Writer’s poetry pours beautifully before you,
He asks you to simply trust.
Sit.
Bask.
Enjoy the unfolding, wonderous saga.
You have always been a part of His Greater story.
“Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.” -Psalm 139:16